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Sibling having a baby

Posted by CriticalCrossRoad on March 19, 2013 in criticalcrossroads |

hello world!

I know that it has been a long minute since I have been on here.

But here we go….so my sibling (younger) is now happily married and having his first baby. It is truly great! I am very excited for them but also sad.

Why?

Well as pointed out above it is my younger sibling and I am older and have also been married and am now divorced. I have a cute furry baby from our union but I do not have what I have longed for a family ….with kids and dog :). Complicated yes and no!

I am over the moon happy for them but I am sad at the same time because I am in the dating world and have yet to meet that someone that I want to have babies with! It is not their fault but it has and does take some deep soul searching for me to be happy for them. Some may say that is wrong but I am just being real. I wanted my marriage to work and have kids and prosper but that was not in the cards and it seem that no matter how I try right now that career should be my focus because I am striking out at all other pursuits.

Do I date many ask? Yes I have dated and gone so far as to do online dating but it is not yielding the mate that I feel can complete me.

Note: I am not looking for a man to complete me but to be my partner in this thing we call life. To be and to act like we are in this together. I have no problem supporting myself and I will not support a grown man. This is where the problem arises.

I totally understand being down on your luck. I also understand long periods of not being able to find a job or career that fulfills you. I have a job that pays the bills and I keep that job because it does just that PAYS THE BILLS! No, I will not accept that you can not work as hard if not harder than I do to find your potential or dream job or career. It is not saying that you can not start out doing the fries but is that all you want to do.

I have dreams and ambitions to travel the world, take long weekends at vacation spots I get thru emails, buy dreamy shoes, clothes and bags. I am a girl but I also am just as happy to throw on some comfy clothes and go to a cook out, go watch the game, etc.

I am tired of men that are older than I am still wanting to be children. If you are a man then step up ask me out, plan a date, have plans in life and plans for what out life could be. Am I expecting it to be a fairy tale NO! I am expecting you to want to get to know me on a level that does not involve know what my undies look like, what my favorite position is, etc. In time those are conversation to be had but they have very little to do with you getting to know me as a person. When we are too old to do all those positions I still want someone that I love to hang out with, can have a conversation with, and just chill and watch the clouds roll by or listen to the rain and better yet dance in the rain.

So I need someone that asks me my favorite flower, color, place, movie, food, vacation spot, and color. Wants to know God for himself. Wants to love me unconditionally.

 

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