So here lately I have been feeling quite abandoned by some of my friends that we very supportive of my move to GA. I know that it would seem unkind or rude to say no don’t go be with your family but really so now you ignore me and don’t talk to me…what is that.. it is hard moving to a new place where you know no one and know no where to go…yes there is an app for that…really who has time i still need food and sleep so after that what time is left…maybe squeeze in some exercise cause you know i don’t do enough of that..yeah right… my job is exercise!
Early Thought late post
Okay so Tiger Woods has been trending lately. Why because he has a new public girlfriend.
They are saying that he is a sex addict well that is only because he is married and not suppose to say yes to the other 100 million women that throw themselves at him shamelessly.
I am not going to get into a debate as to whether cheating is wrong. I am just going to say that in our culture we say that cheating and rape are ambonible but we encourage.
How many men think that they can have all the women that they want for sex and have no repercussions.
Is he really a sex addict or just a typical man in this day and age.
so the question for me is why it that i keep ending up in situations that i need back up and have none?
am i assuming too much responsibility and not delegating…..if so then who is there to delegate to..no one
am i trying to make up for lost time by stepping back into a role that i am not suited for..not sure?
Lately work and home have been a situation where i am the backup and the main employee and i do not understand… is no one else responsible and care about the situation or is it because they put themselves first in everything…i work hard because that is my name standing behind what i do…i love hard because that is alos my name standing behind it ….i don’t want to be know as that person that says call me if you need something and you never answer.
thoughts i am having today.
This is the day that i packed all my belongings and my dog with friend and her copoilt and began a journey of a life time. Did I know at the time how this would turn out…nope…was i praying for the best…yep…moving back in with your parents after more than 15 years apart is totally nerve racking!
so the ex is reproducing with someone…how do i feel …thank God its not me but booo i want a baby…just not under those circumstances…does it suck ..yep am i dealing yep…do i want him back..nope…i just want to find that person who will love me for life ..and be happy to see me and can take care of me…not in that oh im trying to become your burden kind of way like oh i brought you some soup cause you said you don’t feel well kind of way… i miss being held and loved on…being held by someone who does not love you is not the same …you heart can feel it when you are being held by someone that loves you and you love them…i am no expert but that is what i believe …i have been held by people and not felt the connection, the warmth and the energy….those who can not fit the bill need not apply.
Have you ever woken up and not know where you were, how you got there and who you were? Well this is a constant reality that scares the shit out of my mother and also me …why because each day it is like the adam sandler movie and no one prepared a video for you to ease you into the day…..i know who i am (most of the time..still learning).. i know where i am waking up but i do not know what the day will hold so therefore we are all in for some surprises…sometimes i wish that i could just sit here and take care of her because i know i can do that …but i know that i am young and life is to be lived and if i don’t do it now then when will i …i may end up laying and staring at the ceiling and wondering who all these strange people that are happy to see me are…i just want to try to live each day to the fullest but it is so hard with all the things that somehow get plugged into the day…like work ..dinner,,, sleep…bathing….all these thing seem simple but now i can see why new moms just want that moment to go take a shower alone…cause you have no alone time and you are use to at least going to potty by yourself and it just being you but life changes and so do you but the need for some “ME” time does not…it is so weird cause you feel so selfish and wrong but if you don’t take it you will look like who done it and why and have no one to blame but yourself…hmmm
It has never rang more true than now….”just one of those days that a girl goes through…angry inside don’t want to take it out on you”…whew… I have a job that is only challenging because people lack common sense and a work ethic…i have a home life that is complicated by illness…i have no social life to speak of but to get excited when someone from the life that i used to know calls…i have my close friends and my dog..sometimes i don’t even think my dog want to hear the reality that is being placed in front of me. one of my parental unit is bipolar (undiagnosed) and so one minute the world would end without me and the next i have broken the house and everything in it and i am a leach upon society…this is all really great for the ego and self esteem…..the other is not really aware of whether the sun has risen or set…just basic needs is where we are….disheartening is what it is…this is the one that kept me sane and the bipolar one was always the cause of dissension in the house….what do i want…. to sleep in …to not have to jump, fetch and run for a min…sounds bad but no one to need me.to be left alone and not to feel bad about the decision ..it seems that it would be lonely because i am use to the constant overestimation but i do think that this could be a starting point to relaxation…
I start this post with a slight smirk on my face because technically it is Sunday and in church we all find out and are suppose to talk of demons.
It has been a important question for many women that I know and have read about, and the question is when do you give up hope that you will have a family. The stats show that by the time most women reach 40 years of age they are past child bearing age. Also you will be 61 when you child reaches 21 and college age. Yes, you may be more financially secure to support a child at the age but the question is always are you going to be able to keep up with a child at the age you are and is your patience going to been too short to have someone asking you why the moon rises at night.